This Week Last Year February 18, 2017

Tuesday, February 16th, 2016

We went to an early morning ultrasound follow up appointment with a specialist my OBGYN referred us to the week before. I was 24 weeks pregnant and somehow losing amniotic fluid. I was compliant with drinking the 100 oz. of water daily my OB recommended the week before. They just didn’t know what was going on. The extra tests run by the specialist the week before weren’t much help. She mentioned terminating the pregnancy the week before and we were totally caught off guard. That’s never an option for us. Never. We tried telling her, but she kept offering after reading the test results, which might as well have been Greek, as all the numbers and information made no sense to us. Anyway, it was a non-issue after they couldn’t find the heartbeat. First it was the girl who performed the ultrasound who told us she couldn’t find it. She went to get the doctor. I asked Will if he heard what she said because he was doing something on his phone at the time. I reiterated that she said there is no heartbeat. He said okay. Then the specialist came in and said “I’m sorry.” She told us we didn’t have to check out or anything and she would inform our OB. We were in shock.

On the way out of the hospital (that’s where both my OB and the specialist are located), Will called our pastor to inform him. He asked us if we wanted to come over. We agreed, but told him we wanted to go to Bible College as planned. So after class, we went to my pastor’s to sit down with him and his wife. Both had suffered the loss of a miscarriage in the past. It was helpful and encouraging to have their support and wisdom. They asked if we wanted to go to lunch with them, but we declined to continue taking care of everything.

We contacted the OB as we hadn’t heard back from her office yet. They had an open appointment if we could come at the moment, so off we went. They preformed another ultrasound for me and confirmed the silence. It wasn’t until we began discussing scheduling the date for the induced delivery that I started crying (at least at that office, I had cried already during the day). They left me alone with Will for a few minutes to cry and gather my composure. We agreed on Thursday, even though it wouldn’t be with my regular OB. It just seemed like the next day was too soon and Friday was too far.

As we were on our way home, I called my supervisor to let her know I wouldn’t be in the office at least the next 2 days. I really began crying when I had to say the words out loud to her, “we lost the baby.” She was so compassionate and understanding and told me to not even think about work. The OB’s office called me and gave some reason I can’t remember, but Thursday wasn’t going to work so they scheduled me for Friday. The nurse felt more comfortable with it being on Friday anyway (and I did too, actually) as I would have my regular OB completing the delivery. So I texted my supervisor again, letting her know I won’t be in the office on Thursday and delivery would be Friday. The same response came, “don’t worry about work right now”. I also told her she could tell the team. I didn’t want it to be weird going back to work and everyone treating me as if I were pregnant and I wasn’t. So she informed everyone for me, which was nice.

Anyway, we went to my mom’s house next. We asked her to sit down at the same table where we told her she would be a grandmother. I talked and told her the baby has no heartbeat. She shook her head in disbelief and shared tears of grief and compassion. Her biggest hurt to this day is that she can’t heal the pain of her baby… me.

I forget what we ate, but I remember we ate something somewhere for dinner. We contacted Will’s parents and they were at his brother’s house, so that was our last stop of the day. We of course had gone home at some points during the day, but I don’t remember when. I just remember all the places we went. Anyway, we went to his brother’s and they were making dinner. We asked them to send their son upstairs so we could have a grown up conversation. They could all tell by the looks on our faces that something was serious. We sat down at the table and Will began to talk. That’s when he broke down and choked on the words. As he finished, we were met with more shared tears of grief and compassion.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Will was scheduled to teach at Bible College this day. He felt like he needed to follow through, so we went to Bible College. Will taught. It was amazing. People didn’t know what had happened yet because we asked no one to share it. We wanted time to grieve alone without the rest of the world offering condolences yet. Of course, word got around to a couple people. But I remember a couple people asking if I just took the day off work because I’m usually not available to go to morning classes. I just said yes and I had a few days off that week.

At some point that day, I texted a few of my closest and dearest friends in a group text to inform them. I also posted on facebook, “Just a little life lesson/nugget of wisdom: You can always trust God’s heart when you don’t understand His ways. Everything He does is from a loving, merciful, just, and right heart. Jesus is so precious.” (I had to look that up). Family who I informed in a private group, friends who knew, and co-workers who knew at this point made sweet comments of how they love us and were praying for us.

I remember my friend Kristen texting me, asking me what was going on because she knew something was up, but didn’t know what. I actually had planned on contacting her that day because I know she understands my path from a place of walking through it herself. I just hadn’t gotten to it before she texted me. So, I told her what happened and she’s so compassionate (I know I’ve used that word several times already, but it’s the best I can come up with to describe the response I felt). The funny thing she couldn’t believe was I was actually getting a pedicure at the time she texted me. Haha – she was in complete disbelief that that’s what I was doing. My thought was that I was going to be in the hospital with who knows how many people seeing my feet and they were in bad shape – in much need of attention. I wasn’t working, so seemed appropriate to me at the time. Plus, I was enjoying the alone time.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

I don’t remember. The only thing I recall is being anxious and nervous about the delivery. Would everything go smoothly? I knew the baby wouldn’t be harmed. I was secretly hoping maybe his heartbeat would be there. Would it hurt? I just had a lot going through my mind. I have no idea what we did that day though. I do know Will was with me the entire week. He’s self-employed, so he gave himself the time off. 🙂

Friday, February 19, 2016

We arrived early at the hospital. I checked in and got settled while Will parked the car in the parking garage. I don’t recall either of my nurse’s names. The first one though had a thick accent and I have no idea where she was from. She was nice, but difficult to understand. I felt bad for having her repeat everything. I had to change into the gown and complete tons of paperwork. We had them do one last ultrasound to quadruple check there was no heartbeat. Still none. Y’all probably don’t want the details, but basically they had to dilate me which involved a pill that I didn’t take orally. I had an IV and a monitor around my waist to measure contractions.

They kept offering a chaplain to come see me or a grief counselor or both. We kept declining. They kept offering. We kept declining. Will and I were in perfect peace. All the anxiety I had from the previous day was gone. It was like we were in a cocoon of grace. Plus, we have a pastor who is there for us and walks with us through the ups and downs of life. Will is an angel too. He was so completely attentive, except for once, but that’s in another paragraph…

Our visitors at the hospital (not all at once, but throughout the day) included my mom and brother, Will’s sister, and his parents and grandfather who happened to be in town. He’s been a missionary all his life, so I was grateful he came in the room and prayed with us. At shift change, I was so grateful for my next nurse. She was such a sweetheart and so attentive. The other nurse was nice, but this sweet girl was just amazing. She informed me of the pain meds I would probably want. I felt okay at the moment and was trying to put off taking the pain meds, for no other reason than I have a tendency to be stubborn and want to prove a point that I can deal with pain. Eventually, I did ask for the pain meds because I knew I really didn’t want to feel the pain. I also had an epidural. That was one of my biggest concerns as I have scoliosis which looks like a corkscrew and I was paranoid about being paralyzed by it. It took the guy a minute and he had to do it a bit higher than usual, but it worked out fine.

So at one point, when the pain meds had kicked in and I was incredibly drowsy, I recall my mom, brother, and sister-in-law discussing where they wanted to go eat dinner before church and they couldn’t decide. I was so frustrated. I wanted everyone to leave. The meds made me super irritable and on edge. I kept looking at Will trying to get his attention telepathically, but he was involved with a friend of his who needed help with car parts. I love my husband. He’s such an amazing person, helping his friend figure out his car trouble while we’re delivering a stillborn. It’s bittersweet though, because I wanted him to look at me so I could give him the evil-eye to ask people to leave. He’s better at that than me. I’m not sure if it’s my dad’s unassuming personality trait or the Southern hospitality I get from my mother, but I can’t imagine ever asking someone to leave, unless of course they’re doing something horrible – something much worse than just getting on my nerves. Will eventually finished up the phone call and did ask everyone to let me rest.

Poor thing. I remember biting his head off because when I changed into the gown in the morning, I didn’t consider that I’d have an IV and all these contraptions attached to me and I left my bra on because I knew we’d have visitors. So, he was trying to help me get it off while I’m doped up and irritable. I couldn’t speak as quickly as my brain was working or maybe my brain wasn’t functioning as quickly as I thought it was. I was trying to give him instruction on what I wanted him to do and he was doing what he thought was the best way to maneuver all the lines and cords. I don’t remember what I said, but it wasn’t in a very nice tone at all. He was quiet and patient with me though. He’s a saint, I tell ya!

My OB had come in to check on me. It was almost time. I remember us laughing as she said, “I just have to run and do a C-section real quick and I’ll be back” like she was going to order lunch or make a phone call. Maybe you had to be there, but we absolutely love her. But she didn’t make it back in time and the sweet nurse and charge nurse were actually the ones in the room when I delivered. I already wrote the other blog about what happened with holding him, etc.

They did give us a box with pictures and keepsakes which was sweet. We had already discussed names. We of course had names picked out for the baby, whether it be a boy or girl (Isaac Benjamin or Calah Rebecca and as a backup boy name in case there’s another one – Johannon Jude), but we decided we want to save those names for babies we actually have the opportunity of raising. That may sound horrible, but it is what it is. So over the last 2-3 days we had been discussing names we wanted to use instead. Will said I could use a girl name I love, which he vetoed for a daughter we raise, which is Jaymes-Anne. I’ve always wanted a boy name (I know Dana can go both ways) and Anne is after my beloved friend, Anne of Green Gables. So that would be the name if it was a girl. We chose Judah Gabriel if it was a boy. I’ve always wanted a son named Gabriel and to call him Gabe, but you can’t call a kid Gabe Bridges without him being picked on at school. Just say it out loud. So Judah Gabriel it was – or so we thought. My mom returned to the hospital after church. We asked what the Word was on and she told us, “The sceptre shall not depart from Judah until Shiloh comes” (Genesis 49:10). I exclaimed to Will, “what about Shiloh? Judah Shiloh? He agreed. It was perfect and perfectly fitting.

They asked if I wanted the baby to stay in the room with us. We declined. See previous post for more info on why. My brother came back to the hospital too and wanted to hold Judah, so of course they accommodated him, which I’m grateful for. They asked if I wanted to stay in the labor and delivery ward or be moved to med/surg. I chose to be moved. When babies are born, they play a sweet lullaby song over the intercom. You can hear happy family members in the halls. Every once in a while, a baby cries. Yeah, I wanted to be moved.

Saturday, February 20th, 2016

I was home from the hospital by lunchtime. We missed a wedding we were planning on going to, but they graciously forgave our absence. I slept. I cried. Slept and cried. Pretty much sums up that day. I recall gathering the handful of baby things we had already, mostly gifts for the baby from our moms at Christmas. I put them in a paper bag and asked Will to give them to my mom for safe-keeping, but I didn’t want them in the house to remind me. The last thing I needed was reminders.

Sunday, February 21st, 2016

We announced our loss to our church family. We posted the news on facebook.

As the week went on . . .
We (Will) began taking care of arrangements. He went to the funeral home to meet with them about cremation. I found a little baby urn I liked online and ordered it.
I got my hair cut Monday or Tuesday which was a nice distraction from people commenting on the loss when I went back to work. My schedule at the time was working four, 10 hour shifts Wed-Sat. I returned to work that Wednesday. Will went back to work so I didn’t want to sit at home by myself all day. I think I made it through half my shift and came home. I didn’t go in Thursday. Friday and Saturday, I think I may have made it through staying the whole day, but only due to having offices and bathrooms to hide and cry in.

And now one year later,

I’m still at peace. I still give all glory to God and am grateful for the time I had with little Judah growing in my belly. I know he’s safe and happy. I’m actually somewhat jealous of where he is. I know I’ll see him again. My grief has shifted from grieving the specific loss of my baby to the possibility of having no children. But Will is a great encouragement and reminder to keep the faith, believe God is a God of miracles and promises. We both still trust we will have children. We know they are a blessing and inheritance from the Lord. I know the things I’ve had to wait for the longest are the things I appreciate the most, like Will. I believe God will give me a little Isaac in His perfect timing the way He did for Abraham and Sarah. Isaac is representative of the promise of God. I’m still believing to see the fulfillment of that promise come forth in my life.

Top of the World!! March 31, 2011

This was a recent facebook status of mine:  I have never been more at peace in my life than I am today . . . “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through JESUS who gives me strength.” -Phil. 4:11-13

And that statement about me being more at peace than ever – 100% true!! I’m simply loving life right now. I have a wonderful husband, great job, loving family, supportive friends, and a God that is smitten with me. What else does a girl need? I’m not gonna lie, a tempurpedic bed and a new car would be great, but I don’t really need those things today.

This verse became so alive to me recently. It is possible to be completely at peace and full of joy when finances are a struggle. Finances became a lot less of a struggle when I came to completely depend on Jesus for my provision. He NEVER fails! Lately, there’s been a lot of back and forth with hubs trying to decide if we’re moving or not (but that’s a whole other blog post for a later day). Anyway, I still have no idea whether we’re moving or not, going or staying, I dunno. What I do know is that I am content wherever we are. I’m not running from anything or trying to fill a void. I am satisfied. If the Lord calls us to move, He’ll make a way. If He requires us to stay where we are, He’ll satisfy my soul. He NEVER fails!

So here I am, still at peace. The only thing I’m a little iffy about isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things… hubs and I are starting a new way eating… healthy. I’m not sure how that’s gonna end up since I don’t have a great track record of sticking to things like work-out programs and health food. I do know something needs to change because since I met hubs, my metabolism came to a screeching halt and I’ve put on about 25 lbs. 😦 I call it my love weight! hehehe. However, I’m much more comfortable in my own skin when I’m a bit lighter and more in shape. I’m looking forward to that so hopefully that’ll be my motivation to stick with it. I know it’s a lifestyle change though. I say BRING IT ON! I’m at peace within and intend to carry that over to peace without.

For those that may be discouraged – let me say it is totally, completely, entirely possible to live in peace, grace, mercy, and every other good gift from Heaven. I am living proof! PEACE!

Marriage Advice – from someone in love December 31, 2010

I’m not saying I’m the end-all, be-all on marriage, especially since I haven’t even been married two years yet! I’m sure some people  are thinking, “what could she possibly know about marriage at this point?” . . . well I’ll tell you!

I watched our wedding video the other day and was amazed at some of the advice from married couples – some had been married only a couple years while others had been married a couple decades or more. So far, I have found that some of that advice was unwarranted. For instance, all the comments about what an adjustment it is, all the hard work, how marriage is the most difficult thing in life other than raising children yet also the most rewarding. I’ll agree it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever ventured to do, but it’s definitely not the hardest. I understand that what might be a challenge for someone else might not be a challenge for me, but I feel others should understand that also.

I’m thinking about this because today we are going to my niece’s wedding. I hope they offer an open floor for toasts or have someone videoing asking for advice because I feel what I have to offer may be truly unique. Granted, hubby and I haven’t faced anything extremely traumatic together as a couple (and we don’t have kids yet), but since we’ve been together, my dad died, we’ve both been out of work and faced economic & financial hardships, we moved several states away from our families, and some other odds and ends. Through all these things, no matter how minute or huge they may be, our focus has been on first of all pleasing Jesus and making sure we are being obedient to His will, but secondly to taking care of each other and trying to comfort and encourage each other, even – no especially when that other person is not acting very lovable.

There wasn’t an adjustment period for us. Maybe because we dated for a year and a half before being married, but I don’t think time was as much of a contributing factor as honesty and forgiveness. Neither of us have any secrets or skeletons in the closet and yet we still love each other in spite of those shortfalls. Every single day I am told by hubby, “You’re my favorite person in the entire world!” Every day, I say things of a similar nature to him. I know it may sound as though we’ve never had a disagreement, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. We disagree about a lot of things, but we communicate openly with each other and consistently pray for each other to come to the best conclusions for our marriage.

Trust me, I am ALWAYS open to listening to more marriage advice. My biggest point here is that telling a couple on their wedding day that there will be hard times and you have to suffer through them together is not exactly the most uplifting piece of advice. Yes, we’ve seen hard times, but not within our marriage. In those hard times, we didn’t really have to suffer through them because we had each other to lean on.

I don’t understand women that use their emotions to manipulate men or that are constantly giving ultimatums or using sex as a bargaining chip. I don’t understand men that can’t lift a finger around the house or can’t show any emotion or affection to their wives. I don’t understand putting friends and activities before your spouse or pouting and not speaking to each other for days. None of those things are comprehensible to me . . . maybe because hubs and I don’t live like that. I am of the opinion that if you truly have a godly love for your spouse, then it does not take a whole lot of effort to put that person and their needs before your own. Of course that involves doing things you don’t want to do, but it is so worth it to see the smile on his face and know that he’s smiling because of something you did. Likewise, hubby makes tremendous sacrifices for me. I can say that there is no one I appreciate more than my husband.

Please know that I am not being judgmental of other couples because what works for us might not work for others. Again, I’m new at this so I still have a lot to learn. I’m just saying that implementing compassion, empathy, forgiveness, honesty, patience, and prayer make my marriage the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Every day of my life, I fall in love with hubby and every day I’m even happier and more in love. If you aren’t honest with your spouse, then you are robbing them of the opportunity of loving as Christ loves the church. Baring your soul gives your spouse an open door to practice patience, forgiveness, and most importantly – unconditional love. Those are the times my heart absolutely melts . . . when I tell hubby something I’m not proud of and he just laughs and says, “Is that it??” or when I’m grumpy and tired and he is so patient with me or when I’m sick and he brings me food & medicine in bed or when I’m crying and disappointed and he holds me & comforts me. He’s the very best at always apologizing before I do – even when I’m the one that’s wrong. I adore that man. He’s the hot fudge on my sundae!!

 

Cocooned September 23, 2010

I’ve been waiting for this time in my life for – well, my whole life!! It’s finally here!

Some of us have the privilege of growing up in a loving home environment, being sheltered from the outside world and having a sense of safety. I can look back now and appreciate that about my growing up years, but I was always busy and stressed. One of my first poems from the fourth grade was about being stressed out with all the activities I had going on – other than my school work. I enjoy being sociable and LOVE relationships. I gain energy from staying active with people and events. But had I known I wouldn’t have an opportunity to truly rest for 25 years, I might have opted not to be so involved. Then again, I loved every minute of all my extracurricular activities and don’t have any regrets. Even in my adult years while working, I’ve been involved on a daily basis with church and friends, but I digress….

Now is my time to be enveloped and enclosed. I’m not a hermit and I still have a life. I’m just finally on the other side of the fence where the grass is green and lush. I’m bathing in it!! Staying at home, studying, cleaning, having QUALITY time for friendships – and especially for Jesus has been the absolute joy of my life. There’s even a part-time job opportunity for only 12 hours a week – it’s not much money, but how awesome is that!! I can still get out of the house and do my part, but have enough time left for my studies. I so enjoy cooking and cleaning for my hubby now because I’m not exhausted at the end of being gone an entire day – all day – every day – for years. I’m not rushed for time.

Life is wonderful in this cocoon. I’m enjoying it while it lasts and appreciating it while it’s here!!

So Far, So Good August 30, 2010

Married one year, four months. Check

Lived in NC one year, one month. Check

Assisted with new church in NC. Check

Quit stressful job, looking for new work. Check

Started first semester of Master’s Degree. Check

And I LOVE it ALL!!!

You know, a lot of people warned about how hard marriage would be and that it’s a lot of work. I haven’t run into that just yet. Maybe I will and maybe I won’t. Sure hubby and I aggravate each other at times and we don’t always see eye to eye on every subject, but those are no grounds for WWIII or the big “D” word. We make each other a priority. The only person that comes before each other is Jesus. That’s the rule in our house. The other rule is to always apologize first (both of us). That seems to work for us and we’re happy as clowns around here most of the time – unless we’re hungry or sleepy. Basically we work like infants. If we’re fed and napped, we get along great.

We absolutely LOVE living in NC. We love the seasons, the weather, the lake, the friendly people, and so much more. We just love it. The church is growing and the people there have become our family. We couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right now because we know beyond the shadow of a doubt this is where the Lord wants us to be.

As for my job situation, I’m still looking – a LOT. I’ve had several interviews and even a temp job for a week or so, but no dice. It’s hard to find a part-time job suitable to meet my needs and the needs of an employer. Go figure. A lot of the interviews have been with mothers that need a part-time nanny. Either they go with someone they’ve known from before or they choose someone who can travel with them or something else. That’s okay. Jesus has the perfect something out there somewhere. In the meantime, I can continue to get things done around the house that I’ve been wanting to do FOREVER like clean the baseboards and the blinds, etc.

As for school, that’s my favorite part. It’s my second choice as far as schools go only because my first choice didn’t offer online classes as commuting would’ve been too complicated with our schedules around here. However, I am loving the curriculum already and very pleased with the choice I made. My cousin told me a couple of years ago that once I finally got into the Master’s program I would enjoy it because the material would be interesting instead of boring stuff that puts me to sleep. She was right! I love doing the assignments and reading the textbooks. It’s wonderful! Well, it’s only one class and it’s only been one week of it, but so far, so good – right?

Flip Flop July 29, 2010

Believe it or not, this is not about my favorite kind of shoe. I could write an entire post on my beloved flip-flops and the many pairs I own, but I’ll save that for another day. I did want to chase this rabbit trail for just a second before getting back on the main path. I wonder what our shoes say about our personalities. I could basically divide my shoes into three major categories: boots (hiking, cowboy, etc), dressy shoes (including all my heels), sandals (including all my flip-flops). I’m not really sure where my tennis shoes would fit in there, but I only own a few of those anyway. If I  had to describe my personality from looking at my shoes I would say I’m a bit of a tomboy and/or hard worker, I like to dress up and be feminine, and I also love to be casual and not take life too seriously. But that’s just my analysis.

Okay back to the BIG trail. If this post isn’t about flip-flops, what is it about you must be wondering? Hubby and I did a major Flip Flop in our lives when it comes to work AND school. Drumroll please . . . . . um, that’s not loud enough . . . . . . . . . okay – We learned that hubby’s GI Bill is transferable to me, so we prayed about it and thought it wisdom for me to use it to pay for a Master’s degree which I’ve been jonesin to get and we can pay for his A & P License out-of-pocket when I’m finished. (We can’t both be in school at the same time – we have a commitment to each other and to our faith & church. We refuse to stretch ourselves that thin.) So I am enrolled and start on my Master of Arts Degree in Professional Counseling August 23rd, 2010. YAY!! So obviously since I’m in school, hubby’s not. 😦 

But there’s more GREAT news! I got to quit that horrible job that was making me cry everyday and in turn making hubby feel bad because he couldn’t fix it. So he’s happier because I’m happier and the world is a much happier place! I’m still looking for part-time work while I’m in school. I have a lead on an afternoon nanny job, just waiting on the call back. They said they would call me, but saying and doing . . . . And as for hubby – he’s going back to work full-time and gets to stop waiting tables. He’ll be working just down the road in Charlotte and bringing home the bacon to mama!  He’s so excited! I’m so excited! It’s a new leaf. . . . It’s a big Flip Flop!

not a chance April 6, 2010

Granted, I do take into consideration the input from “veteran” married couples that tell me I’m still in the honeymoon stage of marriage, but I think this just might be my all time favorite exhange between hubby and me:

me: Do you think there are any other couples in the world that are as happy as we are?

hubby: not a chance

Cleaning March 11, 2010

It’s so sad. The older I get, the more like I my mom I become. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my mom. But I used to be this laid back, fun-loving, spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants girl without a care in the world. I was so in touch with my inner child, so full of life, ready to play and take on new adventures. Now, I’m a responsible grown-up with a real job. I’m a person that pays bills and needs a nap. A couple things about me that have remained constant are my love of chocolate and need of a daily dose of laughter.

The most drastic change in my personality has been the swing from world’s worst procrastinator to world’s leader in hatred of procrastination. I suppose I do relapse from time to time and find myself procrastinating in one area or another on occasion, but that’s not the norm anymore. When I was a teenager (and even before that) I remember my bedroom getting so messy, you couldn’t even see the floor. I’d just walk on top of all the clothes or toys or whatever the clutter was. My mom threatened to just bag it all up and throw it away if I didn’t clean it because I obviously didn’t appreciate it – and looking back I don’t blame her.

Growing up, we always cleaned on Saturday’s. We would have to clean our rooms, dust, vacuum, etc. My daily chore was to clean the dishes after dinner every night. Now that I’m grown and trying to juggle working and keeping my own house, I prefer to do a little every night and have the weekends to do absolutely nothing and just chill with hubby. I might have to rethink that after babies enter the picture, I dunno. Hubby’s mom in my opinion is a genius. He and his brother had “my day, your day” growing up. Their teenage siblings still do – but it especially works well with just two kids.  Whoever’s day it’s NOT does all the dishes, trash, feeding the dog, whatever chores there are to do. The person who’s day it is gets the remote, gets to choose the game to play, gets to sit shotgun, etc. Hubby says that “My day” resolved pretty much every arguement he and his brother had growing up without a grown up in sight – he could never argue if his brother called “my day”. I think it worked like he had even days of the month and his brother had odd or something and of course they had to split chores on the weekends like mowing the yard or cleaning the pool. If two odd days fell next to each other like the 1st and 31st, that would be Mom’s day. . . sheer genius I tell ya! I might add that it is absolutely wonderful visiting the in-laws because they make the “kids” do everything. We don’t lift a finger. My mother-in-law of course waits on us hand and foot when it comes to cooking, but the kids have to do all the cleaning. “Mom” helps with the heavy pots and pans though. She wouldn’t think of letting us help – even when we offer. It’s their job (especially if they’re in trouble :(). It makes me excited to have teenagers! hehehe

My poor mother apologized to me recently because now I have to clean my house before leaving to go on vacation. That was one of her rules when I was growing up. I never understood it then. Now I do. And I LOVE coming home to a clean house when I’m exhausted from travelling! The last time we went somewhere for the weekend I think I left a few things undone just because I really didn’t have the time. My mom said she was proud of me.

Of course there’s the odd times I’m doing little things when hubby’s trying to walk out the door, poor guy. It’s been such an adjustment living with me. Although he’s not your typical marine, I say once a marine – always a marine. If we arrive on time somewhere – we’re late. Heaven forbid I cause him to actually be late. Usually when he’s ready to walk out the door and asks if I’m ready, I answer  “yeah, just two seconds!” and he always finds me in my bathroom, not dressed, wearing my hair in a towel, wiping down the counter because he insists on using my Lady Remington to shave with because it works better than his razor. This conversation happens at least once a week:

hubby: do you have to do that now?
me: do you have to leave a mess all over my bathroom when you shave?

Anyway, I don’t see the point in being rushed out the door 15 mintues early to drive to Wal-Mart or the movie theater or the church which are all literally across the street. By the way, hubby always apologizes for rushing me when it’s not important and I always apologize for being anal about cleaning when it’s not important . . . until we do it again.

Lately, I’ve been getting a little slack on the housework and not feeling guilty about it. Hubby doesn’t care and we don’t ever have company so it really doesn’t matter. I just feel bad because he’s the one that ends up doing it most of the time. He says he doesn’t mind because he’s the one at home (he doesn’t work as many hours as I do). For some reason, I still feel like it’s my responsibility. I’ll get over it eventually I’m sure. This weekend though, I seriously need to do some laundry or my clothes will start standing up by themselves!!

Our “Great” Date March 6, 2010

Yesterday, hubby called me at work to tell me he was planning a surprise for me. Before we got off the phone he asked if he could tell me what it was. I said of course since I already guessed in my head what it could be. I’ve learned not to guess because I almost always guess correctly which completely bursts his bubble and it is so sad to see, so I just play along like I don’t have a clue even though we both know I usually suspect exactly what his surprises are. So the big surprise yesterday was a date night complete with dining at a new restaurant we’ve never tried before and going to see a movie. Sounds great, huh? He even laid out some clothes for me because I usually never dress up. Hubby said I didn’t have to wear the choices he picked because he wanted me to be comfortable, but of course I wanted to make him proud to have me on his arm for our wonderful outing. I was happy to wear his first choice of outfits for me – it consisted of a jean jacket and cowboy boots, so how could I complain? I even wore earings and make-up so you know this was going to be a night to remember!

We left the house around 6:30ish and started going south on I-77 towards the lake. The restaurant hubby found was right on the lake so we were excited. We were listening to some classic rock on the radio (can’t go wrong with Skynard on a date) and chatting about nothing when we ran into some heavy traffic – literally. Hubby and I have completely different driving styles and I’m still learning when to speak and when to bite my tongue when it comes to what he’s doing over there behind the wheel – especially after listening to a half hour dissertation on what all his job entailed in the service and how great his depth perception is. Anyway, I suppose it doesn’t matter if it was avoidable or not which hubby will assure you it was completely inevitably unavoidable. The car in front of us slammed on brakes and swerved out of the lane next to the concrete wall to avoid hitting the car in front of it. We then of course go skidding straight into the first car that the second one was trying not to hit. That second guy went on his merry little way while we and the other car pulled over to exchange information. It wasn’t that bad because we were only going about 20 mph when hubby hit the brakes and we could smell the rubber burning. He tried so hard not to hit the guy and later in the evening I was the one that was the brunt of hubby’s jokes because as we were sliding into the vehicle in front of us, I said a few times “It’s okay, It’s okay, It’s okay”. Hubby was surprised I was so calm. I reminded him I’ve been in more car accidents than I have fingers to count them on.

It took the police about 45 minutes to get there as we sat in the cold because we didn’t have much gas to burn. After the cops came, it was another half hour of paperwork. At this point in the evening we were still in good spirits and enjoying the companionship. The officer was very nice, but not nice enough to not give us a $180 ticket. The car wasn’t messed up too bad, but it was dark and we couldn’t see much. The other car wasn’t bad either but the bumper was bent. I know it’ll be our insurance paying for that to be fixed, but at least we have insurance I suppose.

After we leave the scene of the accident and head toward our destination, neither of us ever saw the road to turn down. We went too far but that was okay because there was a gas station at the end of the road where we filled up. I turned on my GPS but it wasn’t giving enough information for hubby so I then had to use his which I don’t like because it’s confusing and that in turn frustrates hubby because he says it’s not rocket science. We finally see the road to turn down but were in the turn lane too soon so we had to turn down a road that ran parallel to the road we needed to be on. There was a bank that appeared to have an entrance on both sides so we thought we  could cut through the parking lot… not so. We ended up going on down that parallel road a bit more instead of trying to go back up to the main road and dealing with traffic. We turned right on the first road we saw thinking it would lead us to the road we needed to be on… not so. It was a residential neighborhood on the lake which I was thoroughly enjoying because I love looking at big houses. The unfortunate part was that it was a dead end. I’m not sure why there was no sign saying “no outlet” though. hmm. We decided then to go back the way we came and go on the road we knew to go down and we finally arrived at the restaurant at 8:30pm – almost 2 hrs after we left home which is only a 10 minute drive from this restaurant.

When we go in the restaurant, it’s not at all what we expected. It was on the lake which didn’t matter because it’s really cold outside and too dark to see from the inside, so that fact is irrelevant. I was expecting a meal with different food groups, ya know? Despite the fact there were people playing beer pong, the only items on the menu were sandwiches and appetizers. I could’ve eaten a salad that looked good but it was $12 bucks! The price of the food items became an irritant between hubby and me. He was still trying to salvage what was left of the evening, but I refuse to pay $12 for a salad at a place that is nothing more than a glorified bar. My point wasn’t even the money. It probably wouldn’t have even been an issue if it weren’t for the $180 ticket, the thoughts of our monthly insurance rate increasing, and replacing a tire and headlight in hubby’s car swirling around in the back of my head. We were both frustrated at this point and decided to just pay for the drinks we ordered and eat somewhere else. It really didn’t help that neither of us had hardly eaten anything all day.

By the time we left, it was almost time for the movie. Our plan was to go to the movie and have some popcorn to hold us over and then go eat at one of our favorite restaurants after the movie. The movie was good even though the popcorn wasn’t hot and the theatre was freezing, but by the time we got out at 11:45pm we weren’t all that hungry and just wanted to go home. So we did. Hubby ate some leftovers out of the fridge and I had some ice cream. We watched an episode or two of Friends and went to bed. As we were laying down to sleep, I told hubby that I thought it was a very adventurous evening and he could look at it this way – we had our very first wreck together! He was neither amused nor comforted.

Our Three Honeymoons November 4, 2009

I really only wanted to write this so I wouldn’t ever forget. Now, if I can only remember that I once had a blog . . .

Honeymoon #1 – Orlando

We were married Saturday, May 2nd of 2009 at 4:30 pm at the Bell Farm in Harleyville, SC. After the reception, we drove back to our apartment in Jacksonville, FL to spend our first married night together. The next morning, we arose and traveled 2.5 hours to Orlando, FL where we checked in at a Time Share thingy. We were given our appointment to meet with someone to listen to all the benefits of owning a time share and went to unpack in our nice 2 bed, 2 bath room with a jacuzzi tub and flat screen tvs. There was also a kitchen and den area.

During our three day stay there, we played putt-putt, went to the movies, spend a day at Islands of Adventure, went out to eat, rented a movie or two, went out to eat more, listened to a woman try and sell us a time share, stopped to ask the price of bunjee jumping (for hubby only, I’m a scardy cat) and then eventually came home where we opened presents and watched our wedding video.

Honeymoon #2 – Key Largo, FL

This one was only sort of a honeymoon, and mostly not really one at all. Hubby’s family went on vacation together to Key Largo at the end of July of 2009 and we tagged along to join in on all that family fun. His parents rented a house right on a canal there. We went out to eat once, but mostly his mom cooked dinner and his brother & sister in law cooked too. We spent the first few nights in the loft and then switched with the brother & sister in law for the bedroom with the tv the last part of the week. We went on a glass bottom boat tour that really wasn’t as fun as I had hoped, snorkeling which was awesome, sort of deep sea fishing where I caught a little guy and hubby caught 4 eel that were gross and snake-like. We played games with his family and I think that’s about it.

Honeymoon #3 – Montana (our REAL honeymoon)

This trip was meant to be taken in July, but due to miscommunication with the people we were booking with, we had to wait until October of 2009. We had fun and plan to go back – in the summer. We had our own cabin that was 2 bed, 2 bath with a loft, kitchen, den, and hot tub outside on the deck. We enjoyed a fire made with real firewood nearly every evening. We travelled all over the Flathead Valley and ate steak almost every day. We loved the little hole in the wall restaurants. Once I had a buffalo steak and hubby had an elk burger. We went shopping at the neatest antique/consignment shop where we found some great Norman Rockwell stuff. We even took a day to drive over to Idaho to see my uncle and he fed us steak! We went to play frisbee golf and enjoyed the racoons and deer in his front yard. There was a cold snap while we were there, the coldest temperatures in 30 years! We went on a 4 hour horseback riding tour in 7 to 12 degree weather. We had a hot air balloon ride scheduled but the weather wasn’t condusive to flying so we were considering a helicopter tour but it was rainy and cloudy by the end of the week so that was a no go too. We did make it ino Glacier National Park one day annd spent a lot of time driving on the Going to the Sun road, but it was closed halfway through so we did some off roading on scary dirt roads that hugged a cliff. We went to see a Hungry Horse Dam which isn’t much different than Hoover Dam, but hubby had never seen a dam either way so he was excited. We took lots of beautiful pictures and went to the movies one day. We even went to a cemetery where my Grandfather is buried, but we couldn’t find his headstone because there was about 6 inches of snow covering the whole park.

When we go back, we want to go white water rafting, mountain biking, horseback riding, hot air ballooning, and all the fun outdoorsy things we couldn’t do due to the cold. We almost went hiking one day, but didn’t quite make it. We’d like to go on horseback to see the actual glaciers, but hiking uphill didn’t sound very exciting . . . more like tiring.

Oh, and we stayed 7 hours away from the airport, so we really did get a wonderful scenic tour of a lot of Montana. It was wonderful and we had a blast. Even though it may not sound fun – we had the time of our lives!