I don’t remember the last time I was this content, at peace, and just still. It’s funny to me that I use the word happy because I have different thoughts about it than most. I am happy. I think the feeling I’m trying to convey though is an underlying joy or satisfaction. To me, that’s so much deeper than happiness. I believe happy is one of those feelings that comes and goes; it’s fleeting. I’ll depart from the semantics though.
Another feeling I’ve been experiencing is freedom, which is new to me. Like most of you, I’ve had a traditional job for the past (almost) 20 years, with a few short intermissions. I tip my hat to ya! It’s not easy working and juggling family, church, cleaning, cars, bills, and whatever else life demands. For me, I know Jesus met me where I was. I was being obedient to what I needed to do. However, I’d be lying if I said I was never jealous of my friends whose husbands made enough money for them to not work or only work part time. Of course, the grass is always greener on the other side. 🙂 Recently, I opened my own private practice and am free from a traditional 9 to 5 job. No clocking in. No boss asking me to do anything. No deadlines to meet. Nothing I don’t put on my own plate. No going along with decisions I disagree with. No expectations I don’t give to myself. FREEDOM!
To me, time is freedom. I’ve taken a temporary pay cut until my practice picks up. Since hubs is self-employed also, we pretty much just live on faith that the money will show up when we need it. We are both hard workers, so I’m not concerned with it. Beyond that, we trust God to be our provider. He is our Father. He is the one who promised He would take care of us. We are doing our part and not expecting it to show up on the doorstep, but we trust He will bring us work. He will. Even if funds don’t come through work, they’ll be there when needed. He’s never failed us.
I’m struggling to share a fluid train of thought. All these things in my mind are interconnected so I’m trying to share them in the easiest way possible, but I apologize if it is a little scattered. I believe the peace and knowing I’m in the will of God is the birthplace of the contentment and lack of worry. It was a leap of faith for me to leave my job as we depend on my income along with my husband’s. However, I’m not scared about all the what if’s. Quite the opposite! While my practice is slowly but surely growing, I have time to do all the things that have been neglected. Time to really just sit down with my guitar and Bible and spend time with Jesus. Time to clean things that desperately need attention. Time to read a book. Time to write. Time to spend with family and friends. I’m not a slave to a clock and another man’s dime.
I enjoy what I do. I LOVE counseling. I can’t imagine not working. It’s encouraging and life-giving to be able to walk alongside someone in their struggle. I love watching God do His handiwork and healing in others’ lives. But I also love that I can now choose how much I work and when. I can even choose how much I get paid. Counseling is something I think I would continue to do, at least part time, when we have children, especially since I can decide the when, where, and how much.
Work or a career has never been a priority to me, but rather an obligation. I’ve never enjoyed having to work or even the 40 hour work schedule. I felt like my life was off-balance. Too much time was spent on something so low on my list of priorities. Now my time is spent on many things so much more important to me: my walk with Jesus, my husband, my own mental and physical health which has suffered as those were the first to go out the window when I didn’t have an option to not go to work. I’m taking care of myself in so many ways now and it feels so good!
Since time is freedom to me, there’s no price tag anyone can put on that. I love my life. Of course, there are always concerns, things to do, stuff that goes wrong, things I still want in life, but I’m content. I’m at peace. I’m satisfied with where I am. I’m happy.