I wanted to note all the things I have now that I didn’t have at our old place – just to remind me to continue to be grateful.

Walls inside that make rooms
More than 1 bathroom
Dishwasher
Ice maker
Washer/Dryer
Garbage Disposal
Double Sink
Front and back doors
Seasons
Cook Out
Bathtub
Storage

There’s only a few things missing that I used to have and are no more, like family and friends in the same town, Dick’s Wings (I miss you), a yard for the dog, couches. That’s about it.

I really only wanted to write this so I wouldn’t ever forget. Now, if I can only remember that I once had a blog . . .

Honeymoon #1 – Orlando

We were married Saturday, May 2nd of 2009 at 4:30 pm at the Bell Farm in Harleyville, SC. After the reception, we drove back to our apartment in Jacksonville, FL to spend our first married night together. The next morning, we arose and traveled 2.5 hours to Orlando, FL where we checked in at a Time Share thingy. We were given our appointment to meet with someone to listen to all the benefits of owning a time share and went to unpack in our nice 2 bed, 2 bath room with a jacuzzi tub and flat screen tvs. There was also a kitchen and den area.

During our three day stay there, we played putt-putt, went to the movies, spend a day at Islands of Adventure, went out to eat, rented a movie or two, went out to eat more, listened to a woman try and sell us a time share, stopped to ask the price of bunjee jumping (for hubby only, I’m a scardy cat) and then eventually came home where we opened presents and watched our wedding video.

Honeymoon #2 – Key Largo, FL

This one was only sort of a honeymoon, and mostly not really one at all. Hubby’s family went on vacation together to Key Largo at the end of July of 2009 and we tagged along to join in on all that family fun. His parents rented a house right on a canal there. We went out to eat once, but mostly his mom cooked dinner and his brother & sister in law cooked too. We spent the first few nights in the loft and then switched with the brother & sister in law for the bedroom with the tv the last part of the week. We went on a glass bottom boat tour that really wasn’t as fun as I had hoped, snorkeling which was awesome, sort of deep sea fishing where I caught a little guy and hubby caught 4 eel that were gross and snake-like. We played games with his family and I think that’s about it.

Honeymoon #3 – Montana (our REAL honeymoon)

This trip was meant to be taken in July, but due to miscommunication with the people we were booking with, we had to wait until October of 2009. We had fun and plan to go back – in the summer. We had our own cabin that was 2 bed, 2 bath with a loft, kitchen, den, and hot tub outside on the deck. We enjoyed a fire made with real firewood nearly every evening. We travelled all over the Flathead Valley and ate steak almost every day. We loved the little hole in the wall restaurants. Once I had a buffalo steak and hubby had an elk burger. We went shopping at the neatest antique/consignment shop where we found some great Norman Rockwell stuff. We even took a day to drive over to Idaho to see my uncle and he fed us steak! We went to play frisbee golf and enjoyed the racoons and deer in his front yard. There was a cold snap while we were there, the coldest temperatures in 30 years! We went on a 4 hour horseback riding tour in 7 to 12 degree weather. We had a hot air balloon ride scheduled but the weather wasn’t condusive to flying so we were considering a helicopter tour but it was rainy and cloudy by the end of the week so that was a no go too. We did make it ino Glacier National Park one day annd spent a lot of time driving on the Going to the Sun road, but it was closed halfway through so we did some off roading on scary dirt roads that hugged a cliff. We went to see a Hungry Horse Dam which isn’t much different than Hoover Dam, but hubby had never seen a dam either way so he was excited. We took lots of beautiful pictures and went to the movies one day. We even went to a cemetery where my Grandfather is buried, but we couldn’t find his headstone because there was about 6 inches of snow covering the whole park.

When we go back, we want to go white water rafting, mountain biking, horseback riding, hot air ballooning, and all the fun outdoorsy things we couldn’t do due to the cold. We almost went hiking one day, but didn’t quite make it. We’d like to go on horseback to see the actual glaciers, but hiking uphill didn’t sound very exciting . . . more like tiring.

Oh, and we stayed 7 hours away from the airport, so we really did get a wonderful scenic tour of a lot of Montana. It was wonderful and we had a blast. Even though it may not sound fun – we had the time of our lives!

So I am going to finish what I started (as I pat myself on the back).  A few posts earlier I started a blog about freedom but then had to leave the computer abruptly as is the norm now. Although we have three working computers, only one is connected to the internet now due to a wireless router issue. We found a way around it though and now we have both laptops going.

I do plan to talk about freedom, just let me ramble, k? Now that we are comfortably situated here in my beautiful NC, I have had time to stop and smell the roses… or at least this cool crisp air! I didn’t realize what  a hellacious year I’ve had. Honestly, I didn’t even think about everything I was going through until after I was through it. There’s still maybe a little hurdle to jump, but after this past year it looks more like a molehill.

We made a surprise visit down to Jax to see a guest speaker at our church there. It was phenomenal! However, we stayed until Tuesday when the last church meeting was Sunday so we could spend time with our family and friends. That was fine, but we were SOO ready to come HOME. It’s amazing how much a place can feel like home when you know that’s the place you’re supposed to be. We miss our friends and family – sometimes a lot. But there is no place else we would rather be.

Since being here, neither of us have had jobs and our rent is still paid! That’s only one small reason we know we are in God’s will – His provision speaks for itself! Anyway, we feel that one reason we have been jobless is so we could travel to Montana for our honeymoon and go down to Jax for the meetings, but mostly to help out the pastor and his wife here. They both are working and would have no other help with their kids. Now that one of their jobs is slowing down, I might possibly be starting work. It’s all so divine!

I’m kind of just swimming around here and don’t really have much of a point to get to. I had doubts about being here for a while. Hubby was always sure. I was sure too in my heart, but sometimes the voices in my head influence my thinking abilities. After our trip to Jax, there’s no doubt in my mind. I am in my place. Also, being jobless and on this adventure has been wonderful for our marriage. We have had the opportunity to spend SO much time together. The pastor’s car has been broken so we lent him mine and hubby and I even have to go everywhere together in the same car. It’s been wonderful!

I told my mother that I feel like a kid that’s just gone off to college. I finally get to be on my own and use all the wisdom and discernment I’ve learned over the years from my pastor and others that have laid their lives down to pour spiritual riches into my life. I get to actually use that stuff in real life situations. It’s not like I never did before, but I’m the type of person that will sit back and let others do the work if they want to. Here, on my own so to speak, I am not spoon fed. I have to get it for myself . . . and I can due to what I’ve been taught.

Before we moved, I didn’t realize how suffocated I felt. That was no one’s fault at all. That just happens when you continue to grow and keep the same coat and shoes. It was time for me to go out and get new clothes that I can grow into. It’s so comfortable and free! I am free to search avenues of discovery and learn from other streams of belief. I am deeply grounded and rooted in the theology I was raised on. I own it now. I’m just saying that it’s nice to have the freedom to explore and not feel guilty or like I’m being unloyal to a particular belief system. I enjoy listening to different speakers and music and people that have had their own walk with the Lord for many many years. I don’t always agree and usually take the stance of what I’ve been taught – not because I believed at face value, but because I’ve proven it and walked in it. The revelation shown to me became my own revelation when I saw it unfold in my life experiences. I’m not trying to change my mind about anything I believe – I’m only trying to develop it further.

Not only that, but in being married I don’t feel such a deep need to prove myself to anyone or seek out approval for every decision. Trust me, I do still need accountability in my life and appreciate the wisdom of my pastor. I also sometimes struggle with wanting his approval. But most of the time, I know my husband is my biggest encourager, ultimate protector, and closest friend on earth. He has become my sidekick on this journey and we have so much fun figuring it out on our own.

I’m not sure I’m being very clear about this new found freedom, but I don’t really have any words to express it. I’m doing my best with the words I know – they just seem to be getting all jumbled up and confused once leaving my fingertips. I don’t want to sound at all like I’m leaving the path less traveled. I love the path that leads to righteousness and redemption. The path paved with suffering and dealings and hedged by joy and peace is the only road I ever want to be on. Only now, I find myself actually enjoying it. I love being in the way God has me. It’s not always easy and often I question circumstances in my life because circumstances are almost always louder than faith. The world we see influences so many people rather than the Word of God. I choose His Word, His promises, His way. In His life, I find true liberty, joy, peace, fulfillment, and utter happiness and contentment.

The hubby and I never call each other by our given names. We both call each other Sweetheart, My Love, and Baby. He sometimes calls me Honey or Mama (one of my personal faves). The point is that we never say each other’s name – well mostly never. Twice this week I’ve been in a different room and said “Wi-ill” and he of course came promptly because he thought something was wrong with me. I did need him both times but only one of those times was close to being an emergency. I really didn’t even mean to sound like I was in harm’s way but according to him that’s exactly how I sounded. He didn’t like it.

The only other time we say each other’s names are when we are let’s say – not quite in agreement about something while being in a not so wonderful mood. Yesterday, hubby said my name while in a heated discussion and I did not appreciate it at all. I let him know by saying his name in the same tone after my rebuttal. He then said, “Don’t ever say my name again!” which is similar to my “Don’t say my name!” when he says my name. I guess we could call each other a lot worse like jerk-face or heiffer, but our name calling is simply reduced to our names.

The End.

This morning when I woke up I was thinking of lots of things I love, like . . .

waking up and going to bed every day with my best friend.

spending time with family.

ice cream.

being married.

being a mom to the best dog in the world.

divine friendships the Lord has given me.

thinking about Heaven and what my family and friends are doing there right now.

going to the movies.

Guiding Light, Golden Girls, Anne of Green Gables.

having someone scratch my back or play with my hair.

a child falling asleep in my arms.

sunsets.

God’s favor in my life.

country music.

long baths.

my favorite holidays (which includes my birthday).

playing different instruments and singing.

writing.

sitting in front of a fire wrapped in a blanket sipping some hot chocolate.

the smell of fresh cut grass or gasoline.

looking at the stars.

JESUS.

Mostly, I LOVE LIVING MY LIFE!!

I don’t have time to write – I’m always in a rush these days . . . well, when I’m on the computer anyway. I did just want to write a quick little blurp about the freedom I’ve found and been experiencing since my move to NC. I feel free to discover who I am and what my calling is instead of trying to fit into a mold. I am beyond grateful for what I’ve been given in reation to my foundation in the Lord. I wouldn’t be able to fly if it weren’t for that. But now I have the gift of flying without limits. It is exciting and thrilling and a bit scary.

argh – I have to go, but want to revisit and complete my thoughts on this – hopefully I’ll find the time. But if I don’t – I’ll go ahead and publish this little tiny icecap of a thought.

I’m not one of those people that is super cheerful all the time. I don’t have many natural talents or abilities. Idon’t always look at myself for who I really am, rather I look at those around me and see what I’m not. The Bible says it is not wise to compare ourselves. I suppose it is a natural instinct because how else are we supposed to know how we measure up? Yet, that is not wisdom and is definitely not God’s best or highest for us.

I look at what I want to be and realize I am not the answer to many problems I’d like to solve for people. I am no one’s healer. I am no one’s savior. In my heart of hearts, I long to be that person though – something I’m not. There are several people in my life that struggle so badly to be who they are or who they want to be instead of the picture perfect person they are expected to be. I wish I could help, but I cannot.

It could be quite depressing to dwell on what I’m not and what I can’t do, so I’ve decided to shift gears and change focus. A few days ago, the Lord really met me in a dark deep pit I was in. The ironic thing is, I thought I was on my way up a mountain. We are never too far from the Grace of God. David wrote a Psalm about how even if I make my bed in Hell, He is there with me. There are just so many other things I would rather be than what Iam. Well, not that I would rather be that, but I would like to add those aspects to my current condition and character. I would love for everything I touch to turn to sunshine and I want to color this world with peace, joy, love, happiness, etc.

I am not a liar. Other than being completely honest with Jesus, I strive to be honest with myself and then others. I am not a murderer or a cheater or an adulterer. I am not a lot of things.

What I am is a child of God – His princess. I don’t have to be anything more than that. I don’t have to mark this world with a legacy of hope and change. I am HIS. I belong to HIM. He is my Master, Savior, Husband, Teacher, Deliverer, Restorer, Father, Protector, Provider. Instead of focusing on what I am not, I choose to focus on what HE is. When I see who He really is – I realize who and what I am. No, I am not all those things I wish I could be, I am much more. I am His Beloved. I am the apple of His eye.

So if no one else or even myself ever recognizes the few gifts and talents the Lord has bestowed upon me, I am confident in this - I am a child of God’s. I will not go without. He is every answer I need.

The other night, hubby came down the stairs around 9pm to announce that he was hungry, he found a recipe, and he was going to the store to get the ingredients (he invited me along). So off we go to the grocery store to shop for goodies for an Italian pasta and we also rented a movie from Redbox - our best friend. By the time we got home, cooked dinner together (he took care of the pasta while I made the salad and garlic bread), and sat down at a candle-lit table to eat, it was about 10:30pm. It was a delightful meal accompanied by a toast given by my hubby – to me and the most wonderful conversation. We sat and talked for a while after we finished eating before taking all the dishes in the kitchen. We decided to leave them there until morning and retreated to snuggle on the couch while watching the movie.

We realized during our meal that we were grown ups in a grown up house eating a grown up meal. That’s the first time I think it’s really hit us that we’re married, very happily so, and living a grown up life. We both got teary-eyed at different points during the meal because we are so completely satisfied and happy with our life together. It was totally spontanious and we were at home, but it was the most perfect date I could’ve ever imagined.

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted anything. . . didn’t realize it was so long ago. Since my last post, hubby and I moved to NC!!  We so love it here, but I miss some of my Floridian friends terribly. I’ve also “celebrated” the 1 year mark of my dad’s death and 2 year mark of Dan’l’s. (Those dates are only 2 days apart). It’s nice being in NC though because I can now visit Keri’s and Dan’l’s parents (2 different sets of people) on a more frequent basis. I grew up about an hour away from where we’re living so I do know lots of people in the area, however I haven’t seen any of them yet except my best friend and my brother. Even Nikki and I have only seen each other once – that’s just crazy to me. We’ve always longed to live closer than 4 states away and now that she’s a 45 minute drive down the road – I still have barely seen her which leads me to my question – where does the time go?

It doesn’t seem like a year since I’ve lost my dad – it does seem more like a year since Dan’l though – but that was 2 years ago. Maybe that’s how it’ll work – like dog years or something. The time goes by so fast – I suppose it’s a good thing when it comes to missing people, but on the other hand it’s kind of stinky. I thought if I didn’t have to work I would have so much more time to get everything done. Not so. There’s ALWAYS something to do or someone to see. My days go by so fast and all I’m doing is laundry and dishes. I don’t get it. Plus, there are so many people I want to go see and visit since moving here but there’s never enough time.

That’s all – just wanted to pose the question that I don’t have the answer to.

a quick side note before I even get started – I think this is what mothers do with their babies which makes me question my normalcy . . . once again.

 Hubby was taking a quick nap on top of the bed before class, so I laid down opposite him and just watched. I have to do my studying of the hubby while he sleeps because he hates it when I stare. I inspected all the hair on his face and how there is a straight line in the middle of his mustache from the bottom of his nose to the top of his lip where no hair seems to grow. I’d never noticed that before. Maybe it’s because he just trimmed and as the hair grows, it intermingles together. I examined all the freckles on his legs and think it’s neat how the hair just stops growing at the bottom of his ankles. I know that’s the case for most men (and women) but I never really looked before. It’s like those leotards that stop at the ankle and don’t have the footie part. I always make fun of his hobbit feet as I call them, but he really doesn’t have hobbit feet. I just say that because we enjoy picking on each other. He has great feet for a guy – I’m a little jealous. He has perfect toenails and it’s just not right that his look better than mine  I continued letting my eyes roam until I found something to focus on for a minute and then watched as his chest raised and fell as he breathed through a slightly opened mouth. He was laying with his hand under his face which pushed the skin up around his eye, so I could see the bottom of his pupil roaming around in his sweet slumber. I thoroughly studied the lines of his tattoo on his left arm since he was laying on his right side and wondered why Jesus’ thumb and pinky looked exactly the same as they hold a banner that reads FORGIVEN. He won’t let me name his tattoos (because another odd tendency of mine is to name inanimate objects), but if they had names they would be easier to talk about. Then my eyes roamed and saw some long stray armpit hair that I thought about trimming. Yes, I know I’m weird – I have a strange fascination with playing with fire and cutting hair, neither of which I’m trained to do. 

 As I laid there falling more in love with this man in front of me, my mind wandered to the place it always goes no matter how hard I fight it. I wondered how much longer he would be in my life. Would it be until I die or until Jesus comes back? Or would he leave this world one day far too soon and way before I’m ready to let go? It is sad to say, but I do believe my brain has been reprogrammed when it comes to life and death. I almost expect it when I hear news of someone’s passing – like I knew it was coming, but didn’t know exactly when. That in no way makes the loss any more bearable or easier. I know this sounds terribly depressing, but it really inspires and reminds me to cherish every moment I have with him.

 Anyway, I am reminded of a song as I write about watching my lovey sleep. You’ve probably guessed it by now – yep, Aerosmith. I always thought that song was absolutely ridiculous because I don’t care how much I love someone, I need my beauty sleep people! I can now understand how blissful it can be to revel in the beauty of love while watching that kindred spirit, that person who owns your heart, in such a peaceful state. The actual quote I was thinking while watching “Sleeping Hubby” was a line from the old Spartacus movie where he is laying on the ground with the woman he loves and he tells her how he wants to know every inch of her body.

 There’s actually a spiritual lesson I learned from my daydreaming gazes. Jesus spends all his time gazing at us and admiring every little detail of our spirit. We are his creation after all. We are his masterpiece and He spends His time choosing to look upon us with favor. I think we would be wise to do the same. We are all He gets. He already has all of creation, but we have a free will and if we choose not to love him back – He’s lost His entire inheritance. I am personally encouraged to spend time looking upon Him as I do my Sleeping Hubby. I want to know what Jesus thinks, feels, loves, laughs at, cries about. I want to know His WAYS, not just His ACTS. We could all benefit from studying and watching Him.