Freedom October 8, 2009

I don’t have time to write – I’m always in a rush these days . . . well, when I’m on the computer anyway. I did just want to write a quick little blurp about the freedom I’ve found and been experiencing since my move to NC. I feel free to discover who I am and what my calling is instead of trying to fit into a mold. I am beyond grateful for what I’ve been given in reation to my foundation in the Lord. I wouldn’t be able to fly if it weren’t for that. But now I have the gift of flying without limits. It is exciting and thrilling and a bit scary.

argh – I have to go, but want to revisit and complete my thoughts on this – hopefully I’ll find the time. But if I don’t – I’ll go ahead and publish this little tiny icecap of a thought.

$50.00 April 22, 2009

So we had a guest speaker at church that was nothing less than absolutely phenomenal!!  Anyway, the fiance’ felt to give him $50.00 which is fine with me, but I wasn’t exactly sure where we’d get it.  We had it, but an oil change would have to be put off until the next paycheck and blah, blah, blah. 

Then I came home from work on Friday and the fiance’ said there was a card from my landlord’s sister with whom we’ve hung out with like once.  It was a really sweet card with a $50.00 bill inside for the wedding!!

I told the fiance’ to just put the whole thing in the offering for the guest speaker if he wanted to, but he wanted to make sure we had enough to cover bills and the wedding – I just told him not to worry about it and I know the Lord will provide.

So just short of a week later, the fiance’ was reading the Bible that’s in the bathroom.  When he came out, he was extremely surprised to find a $50.00 in it!!  He asked if I knew anything about it and I just said yeah, that was my dad’s Bible (as if that was enough information to suffice) and told him to just consider it a wedding gift from him.  The fiance’ just looked at me with a blank face as I obviously did not clear anything up with my statement, so I went on to explain.  I didn’t know the money was in there, but I did know my dad always kept cash in his Bible(s) as he was a child during the Great Depression.  I thought I cleaned his Bibles out of hundreds of dollars immediately after he passed, but I obviously missed this bill.  The only other explanation that my fiance’ thinks is way more cool is that Jesus supernaturally put it in there.  It is a bit odd that neither of us has ever happened upon it as we both read that Bible in the bathroom.

Either way, we agree how awesome it is that a generous thought turned into provision for that thought and an obedient action turned into yet another surprise provision.  I was reminded of something I heard my pastor’s pastor said once (or a dozen times) . . . that if you just let all the money that comes your way flow out, then you’ll see more and more money flow in, but you have to keep the flow going in order to see more of a flow – if that makes any sense, that was my paraphrase.

nothing to say really March 24, 2009

here it is almost the end of march and i haven’t written a thing.  i decided i’m not in the mood for capitalization or my usual over-usage of commas and hyphens. i’m only writing because i’m so anal that i don’t want any blank or skipped months in my archives.  anyway, my heart is warmed by all the people helping with showers and the tremendous over the top gifts i’ve, um we, have received thus far.  we decided to stay in my little tiny apartment for the time being.  my landlords practically begged us to stay and it will save us tons of money. 

i’m so desperate for a change of scenery.  change of something.  i know that moving to another state won’t make me feel any better due to the old green grass adage.  in my mind, it’s a much better place though.  even a different apartment or something.  i’m actually really excited about staying in this apartment because i HATE moving.  the location issue doesn’t bother me, just the mountains of boxes.  hmm, those commas slipped right back in here didn’t they?  oh well.  a leopard doesn’t change its spots i suppose.  back to my apartment – we’ve decided that we want to redecorate and get a new bed and tv.  these are wonderful ideas that cost money we don’t have right now so i’m praying for that.  we should have it by the summer though.  especially if the mr. will let me go ahead and take on his finances too, but i don’t want to strip him of the last piece of freedom he has – God bless him.

so i’m in a very blah mood today and not wanting to do anything.  this usually comes after a day or fourteen of going nonstop.  yet, i trod on like the rest of humanity.  hehe, i just realized how terribly melancholy i sound today.  yesterday i was on top of the world.  today – notsomuch.  okey dokey.  i’m talking a lot to have nothing to say, so guess i’ll head on to the place i call work and try to avoid doing any.  really – i’m very talented at that!  however, last week i had a rush of adrenaline or something and did tons of work.  i’m still not sure what came over me.  i think it hit me again how grateful i am to have a job. 

i need a nap.
by the way – you might be surprised at all the things a spell checker checks – like capitalization.  this post was bleeding red.

Buttons, of the Belly sort January 31, 2009

First, let me clue you in on my train of thought so you don’t think I’m completely crazy.  (I don’t mind if you think I’m a little crazy – who isn’t these days?)

Breakfast with girlfriends from church
Sitting next to a close friend and fellow blogger
Conversation about comments on each other’s blogs
Later in the day, thinking of comments and blogging
Thinking of comment I left on friend’s blog about her son’s belly button infection
Now we arrive at my current thoughts . . .

Who named the belly button?  Why is it called a button?  It doesn’t look like a button.  It doesn’t have the same function of a button.  It doesn’t feel like a button.  It is not shaped like a button.  Why would someone think it is okay to call it a belly button??  Is it keeping something closed?

I dunno, but I think someone got a lot of credit for a dumb idea.

just talking November 15, 2008

I haven’t said much lately because I don’t feel like I’ve had much to say.  So this will probably be one of my most random blogs to date since I have so many different thoughts running through my head and no real theme.  where to start? . . .

So this past Thursday night was the first anniversary of my first date with the fiance’.  I called and left him a message in the morning singing Happy Anniversary to you to the tune of Happy Birthday.  At first I was trying to sound cute, but then was trying to make it sound like Marilyn Monroe’s “Happy Birthday Mr. President” and be all sexy-like.  Yeah, it just made the fiance’ laugh.  So much for that.  Anyway, I had to work late that day and the only plans we had made in advance were to go do laundry and stop by the store.  When I walked in the door, I was first greeted with a very sweet fragrance and some of our favorite music on the local classic rock station.  As I looked around to see what was going on, there were candles lit, fresh flowers in a vase on the table, and the fiance’ dressed up cooking me dinner.  As we sat down to eat my eyes filled with tears.  I never dreamed I could be as happy as I was at that moment.  I don’t think I’ve ever cried from being happy before – except at happily ever after movies.  Anyway, I told the fiance’ I was secretly hoping he would do something sweet like that.  He said yeah, he knew knows me by now.  Go figure.

what else?  hmm. . . well, recently I was reminded that people are just people.  Sometimes I lose sight of that and place value on what the world places value.  Jesus sweetly reminded me through circumstances that no matter how rich & wealthy, powerful & influential, talented & intelligent people may be - they’re just people.  Even if everything is perfect on the outside, we have no idea what people go through and the demons they face on a daily basis.  Most importantly, no person is any more valuable or important than any other person.  I get excited about meeting people in the public eye and I’m not disappointed when I finally get that wish, but I’m left with a sense of “huh, that’s all that was?”  That’s the moment I’m reminded – people are just people.

I guess I can talk about the wedding planning.  It’s going, I guess.  I have been so incredibly tempted to elope on more than one occasion.  I can’t really say that within earshot of the fiance’ though because that would be a dream come true for him and he might actually take advantage of the moment!  I’ve decided that what makes planning hard is having other things to do.  If I weren’t working and in school, it would be so much easier.  It seems that everything I want, I’m getting – so far anyway.  There might be a glitch with the hay bails I wanted for seating, but I won’t be too upset if that can’t happen.  I’m getting great deals on stuff too.  As of now, the most expensive things are the photographer (thanks again Chewy) and the DJ - both of which are giving me insane discounts, so I’m extremely blessed.  Other than that, the dress was cheap, the food is cheap, the decorations are minimal since it’s outside.  Oh, and even the honeymoon will be cheap!  People are blessing us left and right with flyer miles and volunteering to do things so I don’t have to pay for little things.  We even found some cheap wedding bands.  haha, it’s starting to sound like I love being cheap, but the truth is I’m just very immaterial when it comes to stuff like this.  Other things like a flat screen tv would be great!  I’ve just never understood spending thousands upon thousands of dollars for one day.  I understand wanting it to be memorable, but I don’t think anything bought with money is worth remembering.  I already know I’ll remember my vows, the friends and family coming from near and far, fun times singing karaoke at the reception, and a few surprises I have up my sleeve.  I just now realized that I want my dog to go.  It’ll be so sad for her to stay home by herself on such an historic event in my life.  She won’t have anywhere to be though because my family in SC doesn’t do inside dogs.  so sad.

I’ve been really tearful the past week or so.  A lot of it is stress, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad too since he won’t physically be at the wedding.  I’ve decided to walk down the aisle by myself.  My brothers are so wonderful to volunteer and step in, but if my dad doesn’t do it – I don’t want anyone to.  I’m also trying to work out a few kinks with what I want to do instead of the father/daughter dance.  I’ve started weeding through pictures and gotten a few of me and my dad from the time I was a baby until last year.  I want to play that as a slideshow with the song I was planning to dance to with him.  I also want to include a few pictures of other people that won’t be attendance due to their prior engagement in Heaven with Jesus.  The only problem is where to show it.  It’s an afternoon wedding, so the slides won’t show up on a white sheet or anything.  There might be a way we could get a tv outside to play it on, but the screen would still be too small for everyone to see.  I dunno.  That stuff will work itself out eventually.

I can hardly wait to move into a bigger apartment.  I’m busting out at the seams in this little garage apartment.  The fiance’ and I already registered and it was so exciting picking out or own style of decorations.  Pretty much everything I have is what was handed down to me or bought for me by other people.  New stuff is great! 

alrighty, I’m hungry and of course procrastinating as usual, so I suppose I’ll get to it!

Reminders of upcoming events and morningtime April 16, 2008

Are the titles of my posts random enough?  I feel I need to live up to the title of my blog.

Anyway, I should be at work right now instead of lolly-gagging around on here, but I’m in a zone.  No excuse, I know.  It’s just that the mornings are all I have to myself.  I was just thinking how after 11am, the rest of my day – my entire day – is already planned for me, til time to go to bed.  So I decided I need to cherish my mornings more than I do.  In these very few hours between my first moments of awakening to a new day and rushing off to work, I get to do what I want to do.  What a blessing!

So I’m mostly writing this as a reminder to myself of things I’d like to accomplish in the near future.  I usually make these weekend types of projects, but maybe I can get a little done every day.  I don’t like approaching things like that, but the lifestyle I’m living while finishing college doesn’t always allow for me to do things the way I’d prefer.  Besides, my mom always says, “How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.”

I plan on starting another page on my blog with all (maybe not quite all) my poems and songs I’ve written over the years.  That would be a huge undertaking – trust me.  Also, I’ve had 2 gallon ziploc bags (don’t ask) full of my grandmother’s recipes.  She died a couple years ago and my brother thought it would be a great idea for me to type them all up and make a book out of her recipes for all my cousins.  It is a wonderful idea – for someone that has time for that.  So, recently, the light bulb turned on over my head and I realized, I can just scan them onto my computer and make the book that way.  I think that would be more sentimental to my cousins anyway since most of the recipes are in her handwriting.  I plan on sending the originals to my aunt when I’m finished, but it’s a surprise – so don’t tell her, ok?

Somehow, I need to figure out how to squeeze all this in – maybe I’ll just try to work on that during the weeks I’m taking off from school this summer.  Of course, my priority then is to apply for some scholarships, so we’ll see.  Great ideas though, huh?

strange guy October 10, 2007

Originally this was an email to a friend.  As an afterthought, I think it’ll make a half decent blog.  I added more details too. . .

Today I was walking my dog at the park that’s sort of across the street (it’s a little diagonal) – anywho, I had just gotten home from work and my hair was apparently nappy b/c my mom was begging me to please brush my hair more often just before I left work (obviously, we work in the same building).  I changed my shoes too so I was wearing bedroom slippers – old ones.  Of course, I’m wearing no make-up as is the norm for me lately.  (I don’t see much point in it anymore).
 
Ok- so I’m walking my dog, Aussie and this guy walking up his driveway across the street calls out to me “hey” or something.  I just pointed to myself, and said, “who, me?”  He said yeah as he crossed the street walking towards me.  My dog at this point starts growling at him (she’s very protective, not why I have her, but it comes in handy). 
 
Strange guy says, “do you live around here?”
 
I said, “yeah, just up the street”
 
He said, “are you married?”
 
I said, “no”
 
He said, “really? are you dating anyone or have a boyfriend?”
 
I said, “no”
 
He said, “really? what’s your name?”
 
I said, “dana”
 
He said, “so you live near here?  I’ve never seen you before.”
 
I said, “yeah, just over there” and pointed to a group of houses (my apartment is in one of them).
 
He said, “well, do you ever get out and do stuff or do you have much time for that?”
 
I said, “yeah, sometimes”
 
He said, “well are you gonna be in the park a while or what?  I have a window tinting business and need to see this person, but maybe on your way back around, we can exchange numbers or something.  I just saw you when I pulled in and thought oh my God, she’s really pretty”
 
I said, “yeah, okay.  I’ll just be walking my dog for the next 10 minutes or so.”
 
So I walk my dog on our normal trek through the park thinking to myself about why this character would approach me.  At first I thought it’s probably my fat ass – I hear guys sometimes have a thing for that.  But he had only seen me from the front (I think) at that point.  Also, I was wearing sunglasses which isn’t odd, but I’ve been told hundreds of times that my eyes are my best feature, so that wasn’t it either.  Anyway, as I  made my way back towards where I came from, I was thinking he went inside and forgot all about me and maybe I’d get home without speaking to him again.  I was wrong . . .
 
He came running across the street when I got close to the sidewalk again and mentioned something about all the rain and the sewage in the grass or something.  I don’t really care, mud doesn’t bother me.  Anyway, Aussie again was growling and he looked a little scared of her.  I think that’s funny because she’s not really a scary dog – maybe b/c she’s mine.
 
So he asked what the dog’s name was, if she’s a mix or what kind and if that’s rare and how old she is and if that was in dog years or real years and he asked about the boardwalk through the park because apparently a tree fell on it and messed it up when we had a storm.  I said yeah, they had to close it a few years ago when a hurricane came through because it was so messed up.  I asked if he’d lived there long and he said a few months – he was surprised he hadn’t seen me before.  At some point I found out his name is Jason (I need to add that to the list of 10 Jason’s I know).
 
Anyway, strange guy ended up giving me his card with his number on it.  He said I should call if I ever wanted to hang out or go do something, but he didn’t want to ask for my number because he didn’t want to seem like a stalker or too pushy or anything.  He said something about being 32 and working a lot.  I’m not sure why that was relevant.  So the last thing he said was, “I just had to talk to you because I saw you and just thought man she is gorgeous!”
 
I just said, “um, thanks” and walked home.
 
I thought that was pretty humorous b/c stuff like that just doesn’t happen to me.  I only see that on tv.  If I ever do call him, it’ll be to add to my never-ending pile of friends b/c I’m definitely not interested.  The older I get, the harder it is to impress me.  And if people try to impress me, I’m immediately turned off by that.  I find it amusing when guys are like that and I’d be really surprised if my attitude is anything less than mocking – maybe they don’t pick up on it.  The thing that impresses me most is when people are just genuine.  Anyway, I hate to judge by looks – he seemed really nice, but I’m not naive either.  He was wearing a wife beater and had more tattoos than I could count at first sight.  I don’t mind tats, but I think he should be on miami ink or something – (I love that show btw).  He might need Jesus too, so it might be worth it just to show him a little godly love – the only problem with that is it can be misinterpreted.  I don’t really like ministering to men one on one b/c of that very reason. 
 
okey dokey – that’s the end of my story

something for me September 15, 2007

Everything in me says I should be a servant.  Obey God and minister to His people.  Be what other people need and want.  Be a friend when no one else will.  Be a friend period.  Show up for important events.  Make a living.  Pay bills.  Go to school.  Do something.

A couple different friends have told me recently that I’m no good to anyone else if I don’t take care of myself first.  That seems a little backwards according to what I believe.  It has nothing to do with me – I need to die to self.  On the other hand, that statement is entirely true.  I don’t want to be selfish, but this statement came from one of the biggest servants I know.  He was one of my best friends and one of the greatest encouragements in my life.  That’s all gone now. 

It seems most of what I do and how I live my life is for other people.  I don’t want to be a people pleaser.  I don’t want to live just for myself.  I don’t mind being a servant, but I get burnt out at times.  I hate being selfish, but it’s a part of life I’ve learned.  I need something for myself – not a lot, but something.  I just don’t know exactly what that is yet.

Katie August 16, 2007

If there is any person in my life that I want to be most like (other than Jesus, obviously) - it’s Katie.  This woman continues to amaze me time and time again, year after year.  She’s actually morphed into a totally different person from the time I met her over 10 years ago.  She’s so much thinner and more stylish now, but more than that – her personality has completely blossomed.

Maybe she’s always been the same and I somehow, someway have made it into her inner sanctum of people.  She really is the loner type and has never really had close ‘friends’.  She’s sociable enough, but she does have to live in a glass house with everyone looking in so maybe that’s why she keeps to herself. 

She’s a rock solid woman that never waivers in her faith or love.  It might take a while for her to open up, but when she does – you feel so blessed for having the priveledge of being trusted with such a beautiful treasure.  Are you thinking I’m going a little far with the words of flattery?  Maybe so, but it’s all true.

Honestly, she can do ANYTHING.  She can sing, play instruments, take care of her children with minimal help, cook a separate meal every night at 11pm for her husband (due to his finicky eating habits and work schedule), lay carpet, put up dry wall and sheet rock, decorate like a professional, hang Christmas lights from the roof, be at her husband’s beckon call to tie his shoes or wash his hair (and she enjoys it) – I’m telling you.  She’s my hero.

Those are only things in the natural.  I know more than most about her childhood, her family, defeats and triumphs, her strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, even some of her dreams and desires.  One of the things I admire most about her is she truly does not care about anyone else’s opinion.  She never has.  She lives for Jesus and is not intimidated by anyone.  She’s content to stay in the shadows with no pride or ambition – no appreciation either for most of what she does and who she is.  That doesn’t matter though because everything comes from a heart that longs to please Jesus and this is where her confidence is birthed.  I wish I had half the confidence she has, but I suppose she does hide her insecurities well.  They don’t hinder her in anything. 

She’s strikingly beautiful inside and out.  The things she’s endured and kept to herself that no one knows about are an ispiration and only make her stronger.  She’s so incredibly intelligent with cunning wit.  She’s a diamond in the rough and she’s only becoming more and more precious not only to me and her family, but to her Saviour as well. 

There have only been a small number of compliments to me that have been life changing.  The most recent and possibly most meaningful to date was from Katie (only second in comparison to personal  involving Jesus).  I was asked to be her maid of honor when she renews her vows (if her sister doesn’t make it which I’m positive she will).  The point is that she would ask me of all people.  Isn’t that a position reserved for a best friend type person? 

I’m beyond honored and stunned that she would  think that highly of me.  To me it’s the same as a compliment from the President or your favorite singer or actor, but more.  I’m not idolizing her or putting her in a place she doesn’t belong in my heart, however – she’s still my hero.

sometimes I forget August 11, 2007

My dog is just like any other dog – she’s a dog. 

But I forget that because she’s such a little person- complete with personality.  She has her incredibly stubborn moments and times when she’s super sweet.  There is such wisdom in her old eyes and yet she’s so childlike . . . looking to me for permission to go outside or sit on the couch. 

I need to remember – she’s a dog.