a quick side note before I even get started – I think this is what mothers do with their babies which makes me question my normalcy . . . once again.
Hubby was taking a quick nap on top of the bed before class, so I laid down opposite him and just watched. I have to do my studying of the hubby while he sleeps because he hates it when I stare. I inspected all the hair on his face and how there is a straight line in the middle of his mustache from the bottom of his nose to the top of his lip where no hair seems to grow. I’d never noticed that before. Maybe it’s because he just trimmed and as the hair grows, it intermingles together. I examined all the freckles on his legs and think it’s neat how the hair just stops growing at the bottom of his ankles. I know that’s the case for most men (and women) but I never really looked before. It’s like those leotards that stop at the ankle and don’t have the footie part. I always make fun of his hobbit feet as I call them, but he really doesn’t have hobbit feet. I just say that because we enjoy picking on each other. He has great feet for a guy – I’m a little jealous. He has perfect toenails and it’s just not right that his look better than mine I continued letting my eyes roam until I found something to focus on for a minute and then watched as his chest raised and fell as he breathed through a slightly opened mouth. He was laying with his hand under his face which pushed the skin up around his eye, so I could see the bottom of his pupil roaming around in his sweet slumber. I thoroughly studied the lines of his tattoo on his left arm since he was laying on his right side and wondered why Jesus’ thumb and pinky looked exactly the same as they hold a banner that reads FORGIVEN. He won’t let me name his tattoos (because another odd tendency of mine is to name inanimate objects), but if they had names they would be easier to talk about. Then my eyes roamed and saw some long stray armpit hair that I thought about trimming. Yes, I know I’m weird – I have a strange fascination with playing with fire and cutting hair, neither of which I’m trained to do.
As I laid there falling more in love with this man in front of me, my mind wandered to the place it always goes no matter how hard I fight it. I wondered how much longer he would be in my life. Would it be until I die or until Jesus comes back? Or would he leave this world one day far too soon and way before I’m ready to let go? It is sad to say, but I do believe my brain has been reprogrammed when it comes to life and death. I almost expect it when I hear news of someone’s passing – like I knew it was coming, but didn’t know exactly when. That in no way makes the loss any more bearable or easier. I know this sounds terribly depressing, but it really inspires and reminds me to cherish every moment I have with him.
Anyway, I am reminded of a song as I write about watching my lovey sleep. You’ve probably guessed it by now – yep, Aerosmith. I always thought that song was absolutely ridiculous because I don’t care how much I love someone, I need my beauty sleep people! I can now understand how blissful it can be to revel in the beauty of love while watching that kindred spirit, that person who owns your heart, in such a peaceful state. The actual quote I was thinking while watching “Sleeping Hubby” was a line from the old Spartacus movie where he is laying on the ground with the woman he loves and he tells her how he wants to know every inch of her body.
There’s actually a spiritual lesson I learned from my daydreaming gazes. Jesus spends all his time gazing at us and admiring every little detail of our spirit. We are his creation after all. We are his masterpiece and He spends His time choosing to look upon us with favor. I think we would be wise to do the same. We are all He gets. He already has all of creation, but we have a free will and if we choose not to love him back – He’s lost His entire inheritance. I am personally encouraged to spend time looking upon Him as I do my Sleeping Hubby. I want to know what Jesus thinks, feels, loves, laughs at, cries about. I want to know His WAYS, not just His ACTS. We could all benefit from studying and watching Him.
