I QUIT!! November 18, 2008

No, seriously – I quit my job today!  It was the craziest thing I’ve ever done.  (I know it’s a sheltered life, but a good one, okay?) 

The job was a seasonal, temp job working full time at a call center.  I spent five years in a call center working for ADT Security and wasn’t fond of it.  I’m not sure why I thought I’d be able to handle a full time job with all the other obligations in my life.  Yesterday, I asked the boss if I could leave two hours early as I had very misty eyes.  She asked if I was sick and I said I felt okay, but couldn’t stop crying.  She then asked what was wrong.  I didn’t want to keep her all afternoon, so I gave her the simple “my dad just died recently on today’s date” and she said not to worry about it and just make sure I log out before I leave.  I went home and spent the next few hours on the phone with the insurance company, DMV, and one of my brothers about my dad’s estate stuff.

So today, I went back to the dreaded job and was tearful all morning.  It didn’t help that I checked my class work online and the team I’m on decided to vote me out of the assignment – but that’s another post in and of itself.  Let’s just say it wasn’t my fault and the team waited til the VERY last minute to put the assignment together, so when I wasn’t available to answer a question they decided to leave my work out of the final draft.  I have yet to log back in and address the situation because I’m afraid I won’t be very nice.  I’ll have to spend some time with Jesus beforehand so I don’t rebuke them all with a firey tongue!  The point is – I was crying a lot again today at work. 

So during my lunch break, I left a very weepy message on the fiance’s voicemail which he hates because it makes him sad and he wants to fix it.  Then I called my best friend Nikki and cried in her ear for twenty minutes.  The last call I made was to my friend that works at the staffing agency.  We worked together for years at ADT.  She answered the phone and I said, “I don’t want you to hate me.”  Her response, “Girl, you can get up and walk out of there right now for all I care.”  I explained to her my strained emotional state and even more strained stress level and she was so totally and completely understanding.  hmm, I think I’ll send her an e-card.  She said she would notify the company and keep me in mind if any part time work comes available.

After that, a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders!  It is SO out of character for me to do that.  At times, I can be a little too prideful about keeping commitments and being a person of integrity.  Of course, I’ll need a little income soon, but Jesus is my provision – not a job.  I know He uses work to communicate that provision to me, but the job is not the source.  This wasn’t an impulse decision either.  I had already discussed it with the fiance’ and my friend at the staffing agency a week ago.  I’m not trying to justify it to anyone but myself – oh, and my mom (PLEASE DON’T TELL HER or I’ll never hear the end of it).  I’ll te 

Something will come along soon enough that won’t require over 40 hours a week of my time.  There are too many other priorities in my life apart from making money.  The job is the only thing I could think of that is even a considerable option of dropping from my schedule.  So, I did something a little wild and crazy today, some may say irresponsible, and completely out of character.  It was fabulous!

just talking November 15, 2008

I haven’t said much lately because I don’t feel like I’ve had much to say.  So this will probably be one of my most random blogs to date since I have so many different thoughts running through my head and no real theme.  where to start? . . .

So this past Thursday night was the first anniversary of my first date with the fiance’.  I called and left him a message in the morning singing Happy Anniversary to you to the tune of Happy Birthday.  At first I was trying to sound cute, but then was trying to make it sound like Marilyn Monroe’s “Happy Birthday Mr. President” and be all sexy-like.  Yeah, it just made the fiance’ laugh.  So much for that.  Anyway, I had to work late that day and the only plans we had made in advance were to go do laundry and stop by the store.  When I walked in the door, I was first greeted with a very sweet fragrance and some of our favorite music on the local classic rock station.  As I looked around to see what was going on, there were candles lit, fresh flowers in a vase on the table, and the fiance’ dressed up cooking me dinner.  As we sat down to eat my eyes filled with tears.  I never dreamed I could be as happy as I was at that moment.  I don’t think I’ve ever cried from being happy before – except at happily ever after movies.  Anyway, I told the fiance’ I was secretly hoping he would do something sweet like that.  He said yeah, he knew knows me by now.  Go figure.

what else?  hmm. . . well, recently I was reminded that people are just people.  Sometimes I lose sight of that and place value on what the world places value.  Jesus sweetly reminded me through circumstances that no matter how rich & wealthy, powerful & influential, talented & intelligent people may be - they’re just people.  Even if everything is perfect on the outside, we have no idea what people go through and the demons they face on a daily basis.  Most importantly, no person is any more valuable or important than any other person.  I get excited about meeting people in the public eye and I’m not disappointed when I finally get that wish, but I’m left with a sense of “huh, that’s all that was?”  That’s the moment I’m reminded – people are just people.

I guess I can talk about the wedding planning.  It’s going, I guess.  I have been so incredibly tempted to elope on more than one occasion.  I can’t really say that within earshot of the fiance’ though because that would be a dream come true for him and he might actually take advantage of the moment!  I’ve decided that what makes planning hard is having other things to do.  If I weren’t working and in school, it would be so much easier.  It seems that everything I want, I’m getting – so far anyway.  There might be a glitch with the hay bails I wanted for seating, but I won’t be too upset if that can’t happen.  I’m getting great deals on stuff too.  As of now, the most expensive things are the photographer (thanks again Chewy) and the DJ - both of which are giving me insane discounts, so I’m extremely blessed.  Other than that, the dress was cheap, the food is cheap, the decorations are minimal since it’s outside.  Oh, and even the honeymoon will be cheap!  People are blessing us left and right with flyer miles and volunteering to do things so I don’t have to pay for little things.  We even found some cheap wedding bands.  haha, it’s starting to sound like I love being cheap, but the truth is I’m just very immaterial when it comes to stuff like this.  Other things like a flat screen tv would be great!  I’ve just never understood spending thousands upon thousands of dollars for one day.  I understand wanting it to be memorable, but I don’t think anything bought with money is worth remembering.  I already know I’ll remember my vows, the friends and family coming from near and far, fun times singing karaoke at the reception, and a few surprises I have up my sleeve.  I just now realized that I want my dog to go.  It’ll be so sad for her to stay home by herself on such an historic event in my life.  She won’t have anywhere to be though because my family in SC doesn’t do inside dogs.  so sad.

I’ve been really tearful the past week or so.  A lot of it is stress, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad too since he won’t physically be at the wedding.  I’ve decided to walk down the aisle by myself.  My brothers are so wonderful to volunteer and step in, but if my dad doesn’t do it – I don’t want anyone to.  I’m also trying to work out a few kinks with what I want to do instead of the father/daughter dance.  I’ve started weeding through pictures and gotten a few of me and my dad from the time I was a baby until last year.  I want to play that as a slideshow with the song I was planning to dance to with him.  I also want to include a few pictures of other people that won’t be attendance due to their prior engagement in Heaven with Jesus.  The only problem is where to show it.  It’s an afternoon wedding, so the slides won’t show up on a white sheet or anything.  There might be a way we could get a tv outside to play it on, but the screen would still be too small for everyone to see.  I dunno.  That stuff will work itself out eventually.

I can hardly wait to move into a bigger apartment.  I’m busting out at the seams in this little garage apartment.  The fiance’ and I already registered and it was so exciting picking out or own style of decorations.  Pretty much everything I have is what was handed down to me or bought for me by other people.  New stuff is great! 

alrighty, I’m hungry and of course procrastinating as usual, so I suppose I’ll get to it!