I always want to spell that with an e after the g. I’m proud that I didn’t!
Anyway, it’s so sad and heart-breaking to me that I have through personal experience come to the conclusion that the ‘church’ which should be my closest family and biggest fans tend to judge more harshly or critically than people in the ‘world’. It’s just not right. And no matter how many sermons we hear about unconditional love, it remains conditional. Maybe the love isn’t conditional, but the acceptance sure is.
It hurts my heart to hear people say things like, “she’s so bound up now” or “he’s still just a baby” or whatever. Many thoughts race through my head and my heart and I really feel that it’s the same with Jesus. It’s NOBODY’S BUSINESS first of all. Secondly, WHO CARES?? Maybe I am cynical, but I don’t think so. I’ve just seen the reality of people’s flesh.
Maybe it’s not that people in the church judge more than my worldly friends, but I guess it’s because I expect more. I already know my heathen friends are gonna badmouth people. There’s a higher calling and a higher standard though. I’ve noticed also that my natural family (all of whom respect God, but aren’t always ‘on fire’) and some of my worldy friends seem to care more about how I’m doing and what’s going on with me than my church family. The sad thing about that is I can’t always open up with them when it’s something spiritual I’m dealing with. Maybe everyone is going through their own dealings and expects everyone else to just deal with it the way we all do. But it seems like it just shouldn’t be like that though. I’ve seen more love and concern from Jesus-loving people stuck in Babylon.
I know my perspective has changed and I’ve grown tremendously these past few months. I don’t know if anyone else sees that in me, nor do I care really. I’m not here to impress or please people. I’m not here to attain to any place in ministry. I don’t even want to. My point with this is – shouldn’t we all just do our best to please Jesus and not worry about other people, like where they are spiritually. When I say don’t worry, I mean not judge. We should always strive to lift our brother up. Judging where he’s at or how he is or isn’t doing is only tearing him down.
The part that hurts my heart is people don’t say things directly to the person about their judgments or ‘insights’, ‘wisdom’, or ‘discernment’. No, they just talk to other people - gossip. How the hell does anyone know what someone else is going through unless that person opens up and personally talks about it. Maybe they just went on an extended vacation for a few weeks – that doesn’t mean they’re backsliding. It is NO ONE’S place to judge except Jesus. Even the pastor isn’t given authority to pass judgment. Yes, he’s there to lead, guide, assist, encourage, but not pass judgment. There is ONE JUDGE.
My name actually means “Judge of God”. I know He appoints people to places of leadership and okay, judgment. It is possible to judge a situation and actions separately from judging a person though.
For a while, I thought I didn’t really care what people thought and I cared very little about their judgments towards or about me. That still holds true when speaking of the fear of man. However, now I’m a little pissed off about it. Haha, can you tell? How dare anyone assume they know anything about my relationship with Jesus or what I’m called to!! I’m not angry at a person, but a demon. I repent for bitterness and resentment. I will not repent for righteous indignation. I repent for acting or speaking out of anger. I don’t repent for standing up for my beliefs.
Bottom line is I will do what Jesus tells me to do. As I stated in a previous blog or two, my vision or my calling might be a little different than that of the main vision of my church. That’s okay. I’m okay with that. My pastor is okay with that. Other people need not judge me for it. Why can’t everyone just do what they’re called to do and leave everyone else alone about it. If we were all called to do the exact same thing, just think of how much would be left undone.
I am my father’s child. My pastor has reproduced his HEART in me – not himself. The world can only take one Sam Greene – trust me! I am madly in love with Jesus. I have a heart for the nations. I respect and esteem the Word. Worship is my life. This doesn’t mean I will facilitate a Bible School for seven years somewhere on the mission field. This doesn’t mean I will pastor a church for twenty years. Maybe I’ll lead worship. Maybe I’ll teach the Word. I am equipped to do these things thanks to my father in the Lord. But that’s not my vision and quite possibly not the ministry Jesus has called me to. I’m doing what He wants, I know that. I will continue to walk in obedience. Count on it.
I don’t doubt the call of God or His anointing on my life. I’d be an idiot if I couldn’t see that. I only ask that my brothers and sisters please not throw stones at me when it is acted out in a different manner than what people may expect. I don’t think badly of myself. I don’t feel that He’s taken back His call or His anointing. I don’t feel I’m called to the same minsitry as my pastor. That’s his thing. He’s happy to let me do mine. Why can’t everyone be as understanding of the fact that I’m not like him in the sense of sharing the same ministry?
I realize this is coming across as very defensive, but I don’t mean for it to be. I just don’t understand why we can’t accept each other the way we are and for who we are. Let me be me. Let me do what Jesus calls me to without looks of confusion coming from those around me that I hold so dear and precious in my heart. And without comments such as, “she’s missing it” “she’s just going through a phase right now” “she is obviously rebelling”. I’m not any of those things. Quite the contrary; I’m more myself now than ever before fulfilling what I know He’s called me to do and I am extremely submissive to Jesus first, then my pastor.
I’m not full of ego or ambition in the path I’m going down right now. I’m more humble than ever knowing that I’m no one. But I also know that no one around me is anything either, so why the judgments? It’s the knowgledge of good and evil. It’s one of our biggest downfalls. No one person is any more significant or important in the eyes of God, so why do you make it so??
